The way it should be
by adriansgirl2010
Summary: This is my idea of what should and wont happen in book three. Just something to keep us busy till it hits the shelves. and this is a big Ren and Calla. So shay fans you have been warned. rated T/M cause i'm sure there will be citrus in the future
1. Chapter 1

It's been three months since Adne and I brought Ren back. I still haven't seen him. Shay keeps me busy with meetings and war planning but I'm not fooled, he doesn't want me near Ren. He's also pushing me to make him my mate and let him lead the pack with me. I can't do it. Since I told him I needed time to think he has been cold and very unboyfriend like to me…..makes me wonder if he ever loved me. I'm sitting in my room wondering what the next two weeks will be like? The war is on hold or at least our side of it while our people gather information on the other sites that hold the pieces to the cross. And all this down time just leads me to thinking of Ren and what he must be thinking about me. I left him at our union but not because I don't love him, but how can he know that? A soft knock sounds at my door. Nev pops his head in.

"Hey you wanna get outta here? I'm going to play a set while we go to pull tom out." He said.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah the searcher thinks it's a good idea. And besides the pack kinda has a surprise for you." He said with a secret glemming in his eyes and smile.

I smile in return. I love my packmates at least shay hasn't tried to keep me from them. "sure, I'm in."

"great! You'll wanna dress sexy for this. I'll send Bryn down." He said with an evil mastermind smile and closed the door.

I stare after him wondering what he has planned or the pack surprise for that matter. In no time at all Bryn bounces into my room with an arm for of clothes. I smile at the clothes and then if fades as I remember getting ready with her for the union.

Bryn notices. "hey what's wrong this is going to be fun?" she says.

"I know, I just wish I could talk to Ren an explain why I had to leave." I say.

"Shay still keeping you two apart?" she ask.

"yes, but he gives other reason he won't just come out a say he wants us nowhere near each other." I answer.

"you miss him don't you?" Bryn ask with a smile.

I answer without hesitation. "of course it's like I'm missing a part of me."

Bryns smile widens. "you and shay don't seem close anymore." No question in her voice more like a statement.

I think about and finally voice what I've been feeling for the last three months. "we're not." There is no sadness in my voice.

"well, all the more reason to have some fun and forget your troubles tonight. Let get ready!" without another word we get ready.

Everyone sits at the table waiting for Nev to go on. Bryn talked me into another corset top and a simi short skirt, but I really don't care it's not like I have anyone to look good for. I catch the thought and force it away. I'm going to have fun with my pack tonight. Shay sits next to me but pays no attention to me. He leans over.

"have you made your decistion?" there is no warmth or love in his voice as it once was and it make me miss Ren even more.

"no" I answer and turn to Mason. "you wanna dance?"

Mason smiles at me and extends his hand. I take it and we move to that dance floor as Nev starts to play. It's a fast song and I lose myself in the music with mason. He pulls me close and bends to my ear.

"the pack has a surprise but you'll have to trust us for it to work." He says.

I look at him with a raised eyebrow. "I always trust my pack."

He smiles at me. "good, I think this surprise will fix things for you and the pack….. maybe even get you to smile again."

"thanks for wanting me to smile again." I say.

"your our alfa. We want you happy." He says. I look around as we dance a notice Bryn and Ansel have joined to flood of bodies swaying to the music. When I look closer to the stage I see Sabine and Ethan sway to the music. I smile my pack is having fun together. I look back to the table and see shay watching us with a cold look in his eyes. I don't want to think what the look means but I can't shake that it looks like hate.

Nev finishes the song and move into a slower tempo one. Mason exchanges a look with Ethan and Ansel while pulling me closer to him. I was just about to ask what the look was about when the word of the song began and it's not Nev singing them. I know that voice and I feel my soul soar as I look to the stage and see Ren looking back at me. My heart skips at the love that shines in his eyes.

Mason leans in to me. "breathe and trust us." I turn to face him but he's looking away I follow his gaze to shay walking towards us with an angry look that could kill. The song and Rens words pick up tempo and right before shay reaches us Mason spins me out and pushes me hard away from him. I stumble right into Sabine.

"Hurry" is all she says before grabbing my hand and pulling me to the other side of the dance floor. I look back and see mason stand between us and shay. I love him trying but with shay being an alfa it won't hold him back long. Just as I finish the thought mason drops his head in a submissive gusture and walk back to our table as shay searches for me.

"ok, you have to let us move your body for you for this to work. We need your complete trust in us." Sabine says. A pleading look in her eyes.

"you have it" I say without hesitation.

"shit he spotted us. Well, hey goes." Sabine says. She grabs my arm pulls me in close to her and push me hard to the front of the crowd. I land in Ansels arms and he picks me up and spins me around.

"do you want this? Tell me and I'll stop it if you don't?" he asks. Without saying it I know what he's asking…. do I want to Ren. I don't need to think or even use words to respond. I smile at me little brother.

"Thanks you" I says with tears in my eyes, but I hold back from crying.

"anytime sis, but the songs almost over and shay on his way to us time for the big finish." Ansel grins.

"Do it" I Say. He grabs my arm with one hand and swings me around pushes me right in Bryn, who's leaning against the stage. I hug her and look over my shoulder to see shay stopped by Ansel and Ethan. I turn to look up at the stage and Ren meets my gaze. Nev starts singing with Ren as he holds his hand out to me and nervious look settles on his face. My heart hurts because I put that look there. He doesn't know how I feel about him and he's putting his heart on the line to fight for me. I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to him if he'll let me. I smile at him a grab his hand. His smile is so bright as my hand touches his it should have blinded everyone in the room. I jump and the same time he pulls.

My feet barely touch the stage before Ren lifts me up in his arms song completely forgot. He holds me so tight as if he's afraid I might float away.

"calla" one word, but it's filled with so much. Love, longing, and happiness. Everything I've been missing from shay and if I'm honest with myself I don't remember it ever being there like it's always has been with Ren.

"Ren" I cocke on the word and hold onto him just as tight as he holds me.

"Shhh." He whispers. "it's ok." The song ends with us in each others arms my head pressed tight into his chest. "now comes the fun part." He says.

I look at him confused but before I can ask I hear shay voice behind me. "get your hands off my girlfriend. Now!" he barks at Ren.

I spin in Ren arms to face shay. Oh if looks could kill we'd both be dead were we stand. I notice my pack scattered close by. It's as if the moment Ren and I touched shay alfa ordered died like a broken spell. And then the truth hits me. Shay needs me. Without being my mate he can't control the pack.

"No" again one word but filled with so much authority as I say it.

Shay looks stunned but regains himself quickly. "calla, you're my mate, I won't have you near him. I order you to get away from him and stay away from him. Now calla!"

I stay in Rens arms as he laughs. " your not her mate. You don't know enough about wolves to know how mates are bonded let alone how the alfa mates are." Ren spoke so calm.

Shay was shaking with anger and then a smile played and his face. "maybe not. But she gave herself to me. She is my mate." He spoke with certainty.

I tensed as he spoke that's one thing I can't take back. I slept with shay and Ren could very well refuse me now that I wasn't pure. I stood ramrod straight waiting for Ren to respond, to push me away. After only a minute his arms tightened around my waist pulling me closer to him and I breathed again. Either he was willing to forgive me or thought it was ok since he wasn't pure for me either.

"the giving of the body dose bond mates, but that not how alfa mates are bonded. It's the giving of the heart that bonds alfa mates. And calla hasn't given you hers or I wouldn't have been able to get the pack to help me tonight. They can't go against their alfas orders." Ren says with the cocky confidence I loved about him.

Shay looks sick. "Calla." He says just barely a whisper. "you're my girlfriend I love you, you love me don't do this."

I look at shay and I know he's lieing to me. "you don't love me. You want to control the pack. I'll always do what's best for the pack and your not it." I say just as cold as he's been speaking to me.

"You don't love me?" he asks with a bit of surprise in his voice.

I think for only a moment about lieing and decide the truth is what Ren and the pack deserve. "yes I love you, but not like I love Ren. And not like I love my pack."

From the look on his face I think the truth hurt him worse that if I had just said no. shay turns and for the first time sees the rest of the pack around him. He looks at each of them in turn and finally rest on Ansel. "you said you wanted what was best for her." He says.

Ansel looked shay dead in the eyes. "I still do." He said.

Shay looks back at me and Ren. Then turns to jump off the stage and walks out the door. Ande and conner walk after him. He might not be my alfa mate but he is still the sicon. I look at me pack and smile at each one. They helped do this to make me happy and I love them all for it. As I smile at each of them they go back to the table and start having fun again their work here is done. Mine however is just beginning I have so much to explain to Ren and I hope he understands.

Nev and the band start to play again. The crowd turns back to their tables now that the drama is over. Ren lets go of my waist and grabs me hand to lead my off stage to the dressing room bands use to get ready. He leads me to the couch and I sit down as he walks back to close the door. He comes back to sit beside me but not as close as I'd like him to be. I feel the loss of him already.

"Ren…" I start but he cuts me off.

"I'm so sorry calla." I'm shocked at his words….what does he have to be sorry for I'm the one who slept with shay.

"Ren why are you sorry you didn't do anything wrong….i did." I finish on a whisper.

Ren's head snaps up to look at me. "Calla I don't hold sleeping with shay against you. I don't like it but I didn't stay pure for you either. I'm talking about back in the cells under eden." He lowers his head defeated. Thinking about the time he tried to kill me.

I put my hand under his chin and left his head to look into his eyes as I speak. "Ren it's already forgiven….and forgotton." He looks at me likes he's seeing me for the first time.

"how can you look at me? I tried to kill you calla." He tries to look away but I tighten my grip on his chin.

"I love you Ren. I always have. And the night of the union it had to seem like I was walking away from you…betraying you." I pause to keep myself from crying. "I didn't want to leave you. I wanted the union with you more than anything, but the war doesn't care for love and saving the pack…..setting them free has to come before what I want." I drop my hand from his chin and now it's my time to look down.

Ren grabs my hand and rubs over the ring he gave me. We sit like that in silence for what seems like forever but I'm sure is only a few minutes. Finally he jerks my arm toward him and wraps me in his arms burying his head in my hair. I wrap my arm around his waist and nuzzle his neck. We are both shacking from the effort not the cry.

I can hear the smile in his voice when he asks. "so you kept the ring on even when you were with shay?"

I smile against his neck. "yes, he wasn't too pleased with it either. He ordered me to take it off, I didn't. I think that when he realized he needed me to control the pack."

Ren pulled back but only far enough to look me in the eye. "can we go back to that night a forget any of this ever happened?"

I think about that. As much as I'd like to do it I can't forget the thing that brought us here. "no." I said and Rens shoulders slump no doubt thinking i don't want him. I hurry on "but we can make it better….. if you still want me that is." I look at his chest waiting for his answer.

"of course I want you calla." He kisses me. It's soft and slow and so full of love. My whole body ignites, fire barrels through my viens, my skin tingles all over. He ends the kiss and pulls me into his arms again. "I missed you so much calla. I heart ached without you."

Now I can't keep the tears away. I sob with my head on his shoulders. "I missed you to Ren. It killed me knowing you were hear the last three months and not seeing you. I knew shay was keeping me away but I thought you didn't want to see me either."

"never, I always want to see you…..i always want you." He smiled down at me. "have I mentions I love the outfit?" he asks with a sly smile on his face.

"No but that's ok you had other thing to deal with first." I says as I blush at the wanting look in his eyes as he rakes them over my body.

"Enough of the heavy stuff lets go home." He says as he stands with me in his arms. "yes, lets go home." I respond as we walk arm and arm to the door and back out to sit with the pack…..our pack.


	2. Chapter 2

Thinking of the academy as home was strange, but that's what it was becoming. After walking through the door Adne opened Shay took off, I'm guessing for his room. Ren and I walked hand n hand down the hall. When we got to the split where the round hallway holds the rooms we both took steps in opposite directions only to be pulled back by our joined hands.

"Your room that way?" Ren asked tilting his head in the direction I was facing.

"Yes. Yours that way?" I asked him doing the same head tilt thing.

"Yeah. No wonder I couldn't find you." He got that unsure look again. "Do you want to go to your room?"

I thought about that. I didn't want to leave Ren for the night. And my room was right next to Shays. "No. I wanna go to yours." I barely whispered the words.

Whispered or not, Ren heard me and pulled my arm a little to get me walking again. Then he stopped, turned to me and asked. "Do you need anything from your room for the night?"

I was shocked, not only was Ren letting me come back to his room but he wanted me there all night. My heart jumped into my throat because he really had forgiven me. I smiled at the thought of sleeping in his arms and waking up to his kisses. I could have got some shorts to sleep in but I wanted Ren to know I trusted him with me…..Mind, body and soul. So I said. "No, you're all that I need."

With a smile that made my legs shake he started walking again wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

Ren's room was as far from mine as it could get without being outside the building. As we go closer I noticed the rest of my packs rooms were here too. I felt a pain in my chest at that knowledge…Shay _had_ been keeping me from my pack, I just didn't notice. Ren noticed my change in mood.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asked gently.

I looked into his eyes and could hardly talk around the lump in my throat. "He was keeping me from the pack and I didn't realize it."

Ren tightened his grip on my shoulders and started walking again. "We all make mistakes Calla. It's what you do to fix it that matters, not the messing up part."

I smiled at him. He always knew what to say to make me feel better. "Thank you."

His cocky grin in place he said. "For what being infinitely wise or pretty to look at?"

I laughed and rested my head on his shoulder. "Both." I said.

We reached his door. He grabbed the knob and stopped, the look on his face said he was thinking of something. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Trying to remember how messy it is in here." He said sheepishly

"You've seen my room before. I judge no one on there cleaning style." I said with a smile.

"Yeah I know but…..never mind. Will you wait here a second?" he asked. I wanted to know what he was going to say but decided to let it go.

"Sure."

He disappeared into the room for what seemed like forever. I smile at the thought of Ren running around to clean his room for me.

"Glad to see you smiling again." Mason was leaning against the wall down the hall a little from me. Watching me like he knew something I didn't.

"It feels good to smile." I looked at him for a second trying to think of something to say to express how grateful I was for what they did tonight, but all I could come up with was "Thank you mason."

"Any time. It wasn't just for you thou….we missed being near you and it was miserable seeing you hurting and Ren too. And besides you would have done it for anyone of us." Mason finished with a grin.

"Yeah, I would have." I grinned back.

He pushed off the wall and grab the door knob to what I assumed was his or Nev's room. He stopped and looked back at me. "Well enjoy tonight you deserve to be happy calla." A sly grin played on his lips. "I have a feeling we'll have our alpha mated pair in a few hours." He looked me up and down; I was still in the corset top and short skirt. He shock his head and opened the door. "Maybe minutes." He mumbled closing the door before I could respond.

My checks flared red. Just then the door behind me opened and I turn to see Ren outlined in a dim light. He looked nervous as he held his hand out to me. I couldn't stop my smile as I placed my hand in his. He lead my into the room and my jaw dropped. His room was clean with small candles covering every surface causing the room to swell like the forest I loved so much. I could barely hear the soft music over the beating of my own heart. I turned to look at Ren with awe; it was hard to believe this tough alpha could go through all this trouble just for me.

"I don't expect anything and please don't think I'm trying to pressure you." He said while looking in to my eyes so I could see the truth of his words. He grabbed both my hands and rubbed his thumb over the ring he gave me. It seemed to calm some of his nerves. "I just want the first night we spend together to be special. I want it to be something that makes you smile when you remember it." He finished still holding my gaze.

"Being with you makes it special. And I don't feel pressured. I feel like I'm home and safe for the first time in a long while." I said. Looking into his eyes I put as much love for him as I have into mine. "I can't believe you did all this. I've never had anyone go through so much trouble just for me." I finished while looking around the room again.

Ren smiles at me while pulling me into his arms and nuzzling my neck. "Your worth so much more than this." He breathes against my neck.

My body is on fire from his touch and his words. I nuzzle his neck and breathe in his scent. My legs shake just being like this with him. He kisses the side of my neck. "I love you calla." He whispers in my ear like it's a secret just for me.

"I love you too Ren." I say my voice shaky with the emotion I put in the words. He pulls back enough to look at me. I hold his gaze and with all the love we have for each other showing in our eyes I slide my hands up around his neck and into his hair.

I lift up on my toes as he bends down to meet my lips. My eyes slide shut as I'm overwhelmed with sensation and passion for this man I'm holding. Ren slides his tongue across my bottom lip asking for entrance which I quickly grant him. His hands twist into my hair pulling me closer to deepen the kiss. I moan into his mouth and feel him shiver in response.

We break the kiss for much needed air. "I don't think I can behave if you make that sound again." Red panted trying to catch his breath.

"I'm not sure if I want you to behave." I say in a low husky voice.

"Oh you want me to behave Calla. At least tonight you do. A lot has happened today and the last thing I want to be for you is a regret." He says calmly.

"I have many regrets Ren. Your not one of them. You never could be. But your right, a lot has happened today. I'll promise to behave tonight…..but tomorrow I promise nothing." I say with a sly grin on my face as I run my hands through his hair before stepping away. "You got a shirt I can sleep in?"

"Ya." He stepped back from me and took off the shirt he was wearing and held it out to me. I stood there admiring him for a moment before taking the shirt. His washboard abs and deeply tanned skin had me biting my lip. I could feel fire flow to me center…oh you are good Ren I thought to myself but two can play this game.

"Thanks can you help me undo these straps?" I ask while turning my back to him and lifting my hair to show him the straps of the corset.

"Of course" he says stepping up to me and starting to undo the top straps he slides one hand down my bear flesh and the sides of the corset are freed for each other. Shivering at his touch I hold the top close to my chest. As he loosens the last strap he slides both hands under the corset and around my waist. "God you're beautiful…..and our killing me…you win I'll stop teasing."

"Damn I was just getting started." I stepped out of his arms and let the top fall to the floor with my back still to him. I unzipped my skirt and wiggled my hips till it fell to the floor. I let his eyes take in my underwear clad only back side while I straightened his shirt and then slowly let it fall down my body before turning around to face him.

Ren growled. Deep and low in his throat. I tilted my head to the side to get a good look at him. His face was flush, fist clinched, and eyes heavy lidded with a look of hunger. He undid his jeans and le them fall to the floor. He stood there in just black boxers. He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers.

I took a step towards his bed, before I knew what he was doing; he scooped me in his arms bridal style and cleared the distance to the bed. Setting me down so gently as if I might break he crawled over me to lie on his back, wrapped one arm around my back and pulled me in tight against his chest. I lay my head there and lace my fingers with his hand not around me. Ren rubs his thumb over my ring.

"I still can't believe I get to sleep with you in my arms." Ren says as he kisses my forehead.

"Believe it, because I wanna fall asleep like this every night from now on." I say.

"Me too. I love you calla….sweet dreams."

"I love you too." I say as my eyes start to feel heavy. Rens hand rubbing over my back is all it takes to push my into the best night of sleep I've gotten in months.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up to giggles passing by the door. My eyes are still closed but I'm alert enough to make out that one of the voices is Bryn's. She must be having a good morning I thought. I start to stretch-out and freeze as I feel a warm weight at my back. My mind races as I try to recall events from the night before. Nev's band playing, Ren, Breaking up with shay, and finally….falling asleep with Ren. I relax and snuggle up closer to his chest. His breathing changes as his arm wraps around my waist, letting me know he's awake. He nuzzles my neck and breathes deep my scent.

"Good morning." He whispers.

"Yes, it is." I respond twisting to face him.

Ren's cocky confident smile is beaming when I look at him. God I love this man. "Oh yeah? And what might I ask is the cause of your good mood Lilly?" he smirks at me.

I try to stop the grin and blush that assault my face without much luck. Still I go for cocky. "Oh I don't know. Must be the good night's sleep. Sleep goes a long way to help ones mood in the morning."

Before I can blink Ren hovers over me. "Sleep huh? You sure it has nothing to do with a certain bed warmer of yours?" he asks while feathering kisses from my collar bone to my shoulder.

My body feels like a live wire with him this close to me and the fact that he called himself mine has me reeling. My mind to foggy to even form a response. I run my hands up his arms to circle his neck and play with the soft hair at his hairline. "mmmm." I breathe.

"I think I'll take that as a yes." He says and looks at me with his 100-wyatt smile in place. He lifts one hand from the bed balancing on his other, just a small showing of the strength he has, while brushing a strand of hair from my face. He leans in brushing his lips against mine so soft and gentle. My body starts to warm just as he pulls back. "As much as I would love to do that all day….." he pauses as if trying to remember why he wasn't going to do just that. Finally shaking his head as if to clear it. "We need to talk to the pack. I've been trying to help but I couldn't stop anything Shay ordered them to do by name. And I don't think they told me everything anyways."

I blinked at him for several seconds while what he had said sank in. "he ordered the pack to do things without me?" I asked as anger started to boil in my veins.

Ren slid off me to sit Indian style and pulled me up into a sitting position too. "Yeah, he did. I think the pack was scared of what you would do if they kept me in the loop to much or what would happen if shay found out."

"Scared?" I asked puzzled, then shake the thought away. "If the pack was scared enough to go to you for help and not me then things are even worse than I thought."

"yeah." Ren spoke softly. "What are you going to do?"

"well, the way I see it we have two weeks till we go after the next piece of the sword, minus one day now, but anyway that time will be spent rebuilding the pack and reforming our bonds." I say looking Ren in the eyes.

He nods. "Sounds like you got a good starting place." He paused. "What can I do to help?"

I could only stare at him. Help? We're mate's we run the pack together. And finally it hit me. As much as I love Ren and even if it was a done deal in my head there were still things, a chant and ceremony mainly, that had to take place to make him my mate.

"You can help me by running the pack with me." I said holding his gaze. I didn't miss the slight turning up at the corner of his lips.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I grinned and shook my head. "boys." I muttered. "Ok Ren listen up, because I'm not going to stroke your ego too often." I had his full attention. "I would call the pack in here and say the chant myself wearing just your shirt to be yours forever. But the pack always comes first and fixing whatever Shay messed up…..no scratch that fixing what I let Shay mess up and getting the pack back on track is top priority. However, the second that's done your gonna have to run if you don't want me cause nothing will stop me from having our union….not even you." I smiled as I blushed at my boldness. What has gotten into me this morning? Oh yea I woke up wrapped in a sex gods arms.

Ren's only response was to smile and then to kiss me. His kiss started soft and slow, but then I tilted my head to deepen it and was freed of thought as Ren's tongue slid over my bottom lip. I started to part my mouth for him when he pulled back. "Ok I'm never leaving this room….this bed if we start this. Come on let's get dressed and see how bad the damage is." He said.

I was disappointed but knew he was right. "Ok, let's do this." I said as I slid off the bed.

We assembled the pack in Mason's room. This was more like his and Nev's living room. They had put both beds and dressers in Nev's room and the tables and chairs in Mason's, it made for a nice meeting room.

"Wearing the same clothes as you did last night. Tell me you're not doing the walk of shame sis?" Ansel asked.

Ren growled low in his throat and I raised an eyebrow at my brother. "No little brother all my stuff is in my room, which is next door to Shays." I said.

"oh." He said and looked down. "Sorry I wasn't thinking."

I sighed. "It's ok An. Ok so I called this meeting to apologize to you." Every head snapped up at that one, Alphas don't apologize often, if ever. "I didn't realize Shay was keeping me from you guys too and had no clue he was giving you orders, but that's no excuse. I let you down as your leader." I meet everyone's eyes as I spoke so they could read the truth in my words. "I'm so sorry and I'll never let it happen again." I took a breath this next part would make or break me. "Do you still wish to follow my lead?"

"Of course." I was surprised Sabine was the first to speak.

"Yeah your stuck with us." Mason said. "Ditto." This from Nev.

An and Bryn spoke at the same time. "We're in too."

I smiled at everyone's willingness to give me another shot. I turned to look at Ren, who was sitting next to me, his answer still unspoken.

"I'll follow you anywhere." he said without a trace of teasing. He was serious.

"That's nice but how about you stand beside me?" I asked him.

This time that sly grin played on his face. "Sure, the views not as good but I bet the company will be better." He said.

Heat rushed to me checks. And I had to clear my throat to speak. Everyone had a smile of some degree on their face. "Ok now that that's settled we need to know what Shays orders have been, so we can start fixing things if we need to. We're a day shy of two week till the next mission and I want us to be a better team than we were before."

An spoke first. "He's been have me and Mason go after the book he left at his uncles or whoever that guy is."

I blinked at him. "He's been sending you out to fight?"

An and Mason both nodded. "Do the searchers know?" I asked.

"No" this from Mason "he said not to tell anyone."

"Ok well, that one's easy you two stop doing whatever you were to try and get the book. And I'll want a report on any info you got from the missions when we're done here Mason." Ren said. It's amazing I use to think he was taking over but I have to admit its nice having someone to help and thou I did before I don't feel threatened now.

Mason gave a nod. "Ok what else?" I asked. An looked down and I was pretty sure I knew what he was going to ask and by his next words so did Ren. "An will get your wolf back." An met Ren's eyes and then mine and nodded.

Nev kind of giggled if that's the right word for it. "Shay ordered me to write poetry. For you calla."

"Keep what you want and burn the rest. And you can stop of course." I said as if it didn't bug me trying to be all business.

"Oh no I gotta hear this." Ren said. I looked at him horrified. He met my gaze. "What? Nev's a good writer I wanna see what he wrote about you."

I huffed at him. "Fine. Do what you will. Anyone else?"

Sabine cleared he throat and she had our collective attention. "Shay's been having Bryn and me try to talk Corset, Fey and Dax into coming with us."

"Shit. Was he trying to get everyone killed?" I barely grit out between my teeth. Ren grabbed my hand and started rubbing circles on my wrist to calm me. Surprisingly it started to work.

"Any luck with that?" Ren asked.

Bryn spoke this time. "Dax and Fey are a lost cause, they're both Emil's seconds now and he's paired them as mates, they want nothing to do with us anymore." Her words started to choke at the end with the obvious pain of losing two packmates. Ansel pulled her close to soothe her.

"And Corset?" I asked.

"We had a meeting set up with her for tonight she was going to come with us, but she was scared so we waited till her family traveled east for the keepers. Less chance of an ambush and she wouldn't have to fight Fey or Dax. I don't think she has it in her to fight against one of our own." Sabine said.

I nodded and looked at Ren wanting his input before I spoke on that one. "I hate to leave her if she was willing to come here. But a lot could go wrong." He said only looking at me. Even thou everyone could hear us they knew it was our decision.

"I agree. Does Corset know where you were going to meet tonight?" I asked Sabine.

"No I haven't texted her yet and honestly I wasn't going to. I know the route her parents take and I was going to do a smash and grab. Less chance of ambush or other trouble." She answered me.

I looked and Ren again. He nodded and it was decided. "Sabine follow throw with your plan but if there is any trouble hightail it out of there, understood?" I asked.

"yes." She answered with respect.

"Who do you want with you?" Ren asked Sabine.

Sabine looked shocked to even be asked but recovered quickly. "Bryn, she's fast on her feet and Mason in case I need muscle."

"Done." I said and Bryn andMason just nodded. "An." My brother's head snapped up at his name. "Introduce yourself to the library here and find out anything you can about getting your wolf back. Nev, help him." Ansel smiled at me and when I looked at Nev he was too.

"Ok you all know what to do. Sabine I wanna hear from you before you leave." Ren said. And just like that everyone scattered off.

Ren grabbed my hand and lead me past his door. "Where are we going?" I asked him.

"To get your stuff." He answered, but then stopped. He turned to look at me. "I'm sorry that's not how I wanted that to go. Ok rewind. Calla do you want to stay with me in my room and make it our room?" he asked.

"smooth." I said. And couldn't help but smile at him. "Yeah, but I think we should grab some of the guys to help move my stuff and I need to talk to Shay." Ren started to pretest but I cut him off. "Look I know you don't like each other but to bad we're fighting for the same side and we have to work together. No need to make it harder than it is." I finished.

Ren hesitated then started to nod. "Yeah your right."

"And besides…..you got the girl." I smirked at him.

"I did, didn't I?" he returned my smile and headed back down the hall to Mason and Nev's room while I set off to find Shay.


	4. Chapter 4

The plan was to change and go find Shay, but when I opened my door both were mote points. Shay sat on my bed leaning over with his head in his hands. My room looked like a tornado had swept through. Nothing was broken but Shay had defiantly taken out some anger on the few things I had here. Regaining my composure I stepped into the room leaving the door open.

"Shay" I started but he spoke, cutting me off.

"Why didn't you love me enough?" he demanded with his head still down. I was shocked by his words and at a loss as to how to answer him. I decided honesty was the best way to make things livable between us all.

"I don't know Shay, but I'm sorry about how things happened last night." I spoke calm and even, trying not to set him off.

"But not sorry it happened?" he asked me.

"No, I'm not. Me and you aren't what best for the pack or each other. We still have a war to fight and missions that we need to work together on. How can I make that easier on you?" I asked trying for a diplomatic approach. I heard footsteps down the hall and guessed the guys were almost here I hope they have enough sense to wait out of sight.

"Your right we have to fight together. But nothing is gonna make this easier Calla. This hurts, and knowing I lost you to Ren is like salt in the wound." He spoke calmly. So far so good. I heard the footsteps stop outside the door. I glanced back but saw no one. The guys are smarter than I give them credit for. So I keep going.

"Even if Ren wasn't here this would have happen." I said.

"I don't think it would." He spoke finally looking up to meet my eyes.

"It would as soon as I found out what you were doing with the pack." I spoke getting into the guts of what I wanted to talk about. Shay stiffened but still kept my gaze. "You sent them on suicide missions."

"Yea I figured you'd find out about that but I needed them to help me and I knew you'd never go for it." He said.

"Your right about that and it all stops now. The pack is not for personal gain it's for the good of all." I said. "Damnit Shay you could have got them all killed for your selfishness."

"I know but I didn't know what else to do. It doesn't matter now. I came up with something to make this easier." He said. I waited for him to continue, when he didn't I prompted him.

"Which is?" I asked him.

"Stay away from me whenever it's possible." he answered looking me dead in the eyes.

"Ok…..I will." I said.

"I'll ask the searchers to move me to another room." He said.

"You don't have to the guys are coming to help me move my stuff." I told him.

"Fine." He said clenching his fist. He was probably guessing I was going to move in with Ren. He stood and took a few steps bringing him to stand before me. "I know I didn't show it right but I do love you Calla."

I stared at him for several seconds looking for the lie and found none. "I know." I said because it was the only thing I could say. Shay nodded and walked out of the room. I stood there staring at my ruined room but not seeing it. Hurting Shay was not something that made me feel good about myself, however necessary it was. Strong arms slide around my shoulders and turned me into Ren's chest, holding me tight against him.

"I know that was hard and I'm sorry, I know you didn't want to hurt him." Ren spoke softly in my ear while rubbing circle on my back and stroking my hair.

"It was hard but it's over now and I can respect his wishes." I said. I let my arms slide around Ren's waist and hold him tight for a second then stepped back and took a breath. "Let's clean this up and we can go."

Ren nodded and started to help me pick up clothes from the floor. "Come on guys." He said and soon Mason and Nev were helping pick things up. "You guys grab the bed while we pick up the mess. Move the biggest stuff first." Mason and Nev moved to grab the ends of the bed.

"No." I said and all three guys turned to look at me. I focused on Ren "I don't need my bed yours works fine." I was thinking of how close we slept and didn't want to have more space, my bed was a full to Ren's twin but both would be too much room for my comfort. "Unless you want both beds." I asked him.

"But your bed is bigger and with both we'd have plenty of…." He tailed off picking up on my train of though. "Ah, I see your point... how bout we switch beds take yours and bring mine back here. My feet hang off mine."

"Sure." I smiled at him and then turned back to picking up and folding my scattered clothes. The guys had just taken off with my bed and mattress when Sabine popped her head in the door.

"Need some help?" she asked taking a step in.

"Yes please." I responded. She knelt down and started stacking clothes as I folded.

"Thank you Calla." She blurted. I stopped folding and looked at her.

"For what?" I asked.

"For letting me go back for Corset. She means a lot to me." She said.

"I know and she worth going after." I said. Sabine nodded and picked up a stack of clothes.

"I'll take these for you." She said and turned to head for the door.

"Thank you and Sabine." She turned to look at me. "With the new pack actually formed now we'll have to restructure. We had planned on keeping our seconds as they were but that's not happening now." I didn't have to mention that Dax wasn't likely to come over to our side. "I still have to talk to Ren but I think you'd make a great beta." I finished still looking at her.

Sabine looked in awe of my words for a moment and then regained herself. "Thank you Calla." She said and then smirked at me. "And to think I was ready to hate you in the beginning." We both laughed at that and she ducked out just as the guys came back carrying Ren's bed with a few empty boxes on top.

"What so funny?" Mason asked me sitting the bed down.

"Girl stuff." I answered. "Where'd you find boxes?"

Ren answered this time. "Weapons room. I kept the comforter it gets pretty cold at night."

I smiled while thinking of all the ways we wouldn't be getting cold. When I realized all the guys were looking at me I started to blush. Ren smiled at me and started loading the boxes, Mason and Nev chuckled while grabbing hold of my dresser.

"This is it, all my stuff will fit in the boxes and I'm only bringing one of the chairs. I think me and Ren can handle it after the dresser." I said to the guys.

"Sure." Mason said as they left the room. All my stuff fit into three boxes, funny how much life had changed. I sat the lightest in the arm chair I wanted to take and stacked the other two. I picked up the boxes and headed for the door with Ren carrying the chair behind me. Walking away from my room made what I was doing so real. I love Ren and as much as I want him I'm still a little nervous about it.

Questions run through my head. Will I please him? Will he want me after? Will I be good enough? I try to push the thoughts away but I can't. By the time we have all my stuff settled in Rens room…our room I'm having a full on panic attack.

"So you wanna chill for a bit or go find Ansel to see if he's….." Rens words trailed off as he got a look at me. "Hey what's wrong?" he asked.

"I ….I.." I couldn't form words and even if I could I didn't know how to tell him I was scared I was going to disappoint him. Ren grabbed my hand and pulled me to sit in his lap. He gently rocked us back and forth while stroking my hair.

"Whatever it is, it's ok Calla. Or we can make it ok together. I'm here for you and not going anywhere." He spoke softly next to my ear. His touch and voice calmed me enough to form words.

"What if I'm not good enough?" I whispered knowing he would hear me.

He put to fingers under my chin and lifted my face to meet his eyes. "You a strong leader Calla you'll be more than good enough you'll be great." I could see the truth in his gaze and it made me feel better knowing he had confidence in me, but that's not what I was worried about at the moment. My eyes glazed over with tears and I dropped my eyes to the bed.

"I mean for you." I barely whispered the words. Ren went stiff around me.

"You're worried about me?" he asked. He grabbed my face in both hands forcing me to look at him again. "I love you Calla Tor and there is nothing I want more than to be with you. You're more than enough for me. Your more than I deserve." He abandoned words and kissed my with a determination I'd never felt from him before. He was trying to put his emotions into his kiss, for me to see his words were true and boy was he getting the message across.

When we broke apart for air Ren kept my gaze. "I love you too Ren. But I've only done this once and it hurt and I don't think I was any good." Tears rolled down my checks now and I couldn't stop them.

"It hurt because Shay didn't care enough to be gentle with you." Ren growled the words. "And there is no way you could be bad at anything. Besides I'll be there too and I'll help you through it whenever you're ready." He finished.

I nodded as he wiped away my tears. "Ok" I choked out.

"Come on let's go for a walk and get your mind off this." He said standing with me and weaving his fingers through mine. "Nothing has to happen until you're ready Calla. I've been waiting for you since I was five and I can wait longer if you need me to."

"Thank you." I said and kissed his check. Then he led me out of the room and into what I called the garden. I thought it would be tainted with the memory of Shay but it wasn't it was just beautiful. With my mind cleared and with Rens reassurance I decided I would try with him tonight and see if I could give myself completely to Ren. He had my heart and if I let him connect with me the way he was talking about I'm sure my body and soul would soon follow.

* * *

><p>Ok guys i'ma bout halfway through the next chapter and it's my first lemon so i'm being kind of a perfectionist. i'm thinking a week so the next installment but i'll try to get it out asap. thanks for reading and thanks for the reviews.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Before going to dinner we checked in with the pack. Nothing to promising from Nev and Ansel but they felt like they were heading in the right direction with their research. Sabine, Bryn, and Mason had executed the smash and grab without any trouble. Corset was scared which I guess is natural the first time your around searchers that your not trying to kill.

Sabine and Bryn had been ordered to bring Corset up to speed and keep an eye on her for a while. Mason had asked to help An and Nev, not to surprising. The more people we had looking the better so we agreed.

"So what do you wanna do we were finished eating?" Ren asked me.

"Find somewhere to talk in private." I answered, taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Can I ask what the topic of conversation will be?" he asked. I heard a nervous thread in his voice. After tonight I hope to never hear the uncertainty in his voice again. I smile at Ren while ignoring the stares from the rest of the pack.

"Of course. Pack structure." I say. All eyes go back to their food but Ren looks relieved and then confused. He opens his mouth to ask a question then glances at the others and remembers my request for privacy.

"Ok but privacy here is only found behind closed doors." He says.

"I know; we've accomplished a lot today so after dinner everyone can do whatever, we'll hit the grind stone again in the morning." I say addressing the pack. I get a lot of nods and smiles in response.

Ren was right about the privacy thing. We ended up back in our room setting in the armchairs with a small table in between us. Ren looked at me and raised an eyebrow waiting for me to start.

"I want to know what you think about betas. I know we said we'd keep them the same once our pack was formed but with everything that happened I think we should revisit that decision." I say trying to remain all business while looking in the face of the gorgeous man across from me.

"Yea. I doubt Dax will be willing to serve." Ren says with a little hostility in his voice.

"Ren I'm sorry about Dax." I say because it's the only thing I can.

"I know it just pisses me off. But your right we do need to replace him." He responds

"I don't just mean replacing Dax. I'm talking about starting fresh and looking at the whole pack to find what qualities we need most and putting the people who have them in as our seconds." I say.

"Have you told Bryn about this?" he asks.

"No, I make my choices with you not her and if it's best for the pack she'll be fine." I answer.

Ren nods. "Ok. Well fighter and loyalty are a given but after what we've all survived every pack member has those."

"Yea, they do. I've been tossing this around my head all day and I keep coming back to Sabine. What do you think?" I ask him.

Ren put his hand to his chin. From his expression its clear he's considering this from every possible angle. Finally he looks back at me. "I agree." He says. I start to ask if he has any idea on who else but he speaks before I do. "Nobody else stands out to me but I think we can eliminate a few just by qualities they have that wouldn't make for a good beta."

Relief washes through me as he gives us a place to start. "Good cuz I'm at a lose." I swallow hard to say this next part but I have to think of the pack not my own personal feelings. "An's out, his emotions are all over the place and I don't think he could hold it together under that kind of pressure." I rush to spit it out quickly.

"Agreed." Ren says remaining all business to keep from have to talk about my feelings on this, which only makes me love him more for sparing me. "Bryns out too. She so worried about Ansel right now that it will cloud her judgment."

"Yea I was thinking the same so we're down to Nev, Mason, and Corset. Ok Corset's out. She's too submissive to be one of our seconds." I say.

"True." He pauses and blows out a big breathe of air. "As much as I hate to say this…." I look at him waiting to hear what's put him on edge. "But Shays is part of this pack." I don't try to hide my shock at his words.

My jaw is still hanging open while I try to process what he just said. Ok I hadn't given any thought to Shay still being a guardian but there it was. He was part of our pack regardless of person feelings. And if he was the best choice for the pack then Ren and I would make that call no matter how much we didn't want to.

My mind still reeling I said the only thing I could. "Shit." Ren chuckled and I looked at him.

"What?" he said. "When you cuss I know your heads about to explode but you get the sexiest look in your eyes."

At that I blushed. "Oh I do not. Anyway do you really think Shay would be a better second than Nev or Mason?" I asked moving the topic back to subject at hand and away from my sexy looks.

"No, but he is part of this pack and if we don't treat him like one then we'll lose another member." He said.

"Your right. If he understood the pack dynamic then he might be a good beta someday." I said.

"Yeah…..I know…..anyway as far as seconds go I think we should flip a coin, Mason and Nev are equals. They'll both do a good job."

"You gotta a quarter?" I asked. Ren reached into his pocket and pulled out a penny.

"Small change but it'll do." he said handing it to me. "Nev head and Mason tails."

I took the penny looked at Ren and flipped it in the air. I heard it hit the floor a moment later. I leaned over to look and spotted the coin. Tails up. "Well that settles it then. Sabine and Mason. We'll let them know in the morning."

"Fine. Are we done with business cause I don't know about you but I'd like to have some us time?" Ren asked me with a sly grin on his face.

"Yeah, we're done for tonight." I say and stand to walk over to his chair. Ren's eyes track my every movement, his eyes take on that predatory look, like he's stalking his prey. I stop in front of him and catch his gaze before climbing onto his lap. My move is bold for me but Ren just goes with it wrapping his arms around me. I'm shaking now trying to form the words to tell him what I want from him, what I want to do with him.

"Calla you shaking." He tightens his hold on me. "What is it Lilly?" he whispers.

"I…I.." I stutter so I take a deep breath and try again. "I want to be with you Ren." His whole body relaxes, like some unseen tension is gone all of the sudden. His hand starts to rub my back as his other cups my check and turns my head towards him.

"So we start out slow and go as far you want. You're the boss on this one. Your word is law. You say stop and we stop. You want me to talk you through it and I will. You want me shut up and I will. Tell me what you need from me Lilly and I'll do it." Ren says with love and understanding showing in his eyes.

"I don't know what I need." I huff in frustration.

"Ok so tell me what you're feeling then." He says. I think about how I'm feeling and then I panic about voicing it to him. "Breath Lilly we have all the time in the world." I do as he says and take a couple of deep breaths. Slightly calmer I try to decide what to say, then I look in his eyes and see the patience and caring for me in then. I decide right then I'll tell him everything even though it's hard to open up so completely to someone. I want to give Ren this part of me.

"I feel at war, like my body wants to run but my brain want caution." I speak calmer than I'd hoped.

"Ok that runs about even with what I'm feeling right now." He says. My head snaps up to look at him. "Hey I don't want to screw this up and lose you. I'm not as confident when it comes to you." He takes a deep breath. "What else are you feeling?"

"Scared." I say

"What scares you?" he asks.

"Everything." I sigh. "I'm scared I won't do it right, I'm scared I won't please you, I'm scared it's gonna hurt again, I'm scared I won't be able to go through with this, and most of all I'm scared it's gonna change things between us." I finish my rant panting for air.

"Ok… we'll the first three I have control over so let me worry about the performance and the pain. If you can't go through with this then we won't, it's as simple as that, and as for the other…of course it's going to change things between us Lilly. Being with each other like that will change our souls but it won't change our love for each other it'll only grow with the trust of this." He says.

Tears start to slide down my checks and I can't stop them. "But it wasn't like that with Shay." I whisper. I had to say it and I wait for Ren to get mad but he doesn't.

"That's because he used sex to try and own you, not to give you a piece of himself." He says wiping away my tears.

I take a deep breath and nod. If I'm ever going to get Ren to trust me and not doubt my feelings for him this is where to start. "Ok talk me through this." I say.

"Are you sure?" Ren asks. And I nod. "Say the words please"

"I'm sure Ren." I say looking into his eyes. He searches them for something and I guess he found it because he picks my up and carries me to our bed.

"The first thing you have to do is relax." He says coming to sit behind me. I start to turn to face him but he stops me and start to rub my shoulder and neck. "There's no script here and no plan just let things happen until you don't want them to anymore and then we stop. Ok?"

"Ok" I say and lean into him and try to relax. Having Ren touch me has my whole body tingling. I take deep calming breathes until I'm not so stiff. I only think about how good Ren's message feels and not where it will lead. I follow the circles he rubs into my neck with my mind and let my head fall forward. "God that feels good."

"Just one of my many talents." I can hear the smile in his voice. Ren leans forward and places a soft kiss on the back of my neck and then moves his hands to my shoulders. I start to tense up but take more calming breathes and focus on his hands again. Ren places another kiss on my neck but only pulls back slightly, I'm guessing to judge my reaction. Apparently he deemed me ok to continue because he started feathering soft kisses all over my neck.

Ren's lips on my skin caused my heart to beat a little faster and my deep calming breathes went out the window as I tried to breath at all. My stomach was doing summersaults; I dug my hand into the comforter.

"Breathe Lilly I've kissed you before, this is no different." He whispers in my ear.

"I couldn't breath then either." I pant back. Ren chuckles and moves his assault on my body. His hands slide down my back to my shoulder blades and his lips move to the crook of my neck. I gasp at the sensation I feel. Something tightens low in the stomach, my legs twitch, and I'm full on panting now. My checks flame red at the knowledge that he can hear all this. I have no time to think of anything else as Ren pull my shirt collar aside and kisses my shoulder. I freeze the tingling and heat in my veins is too much. Just as I'm about to say as much, Ren pulls back. I catch my breath and my body starts to calm back down just to be thrown into overdrive as I turn to face Ren and he's pulling his shirt off.

He's to good looking for his own good. His skin is the perfect golden shade. His abs are very well defined and his jeans are riding so low I can see his hip bones. I bite my lip to keep it from trembling. Ren tosses his shirt to the side and grabs my hand. He gently places it over his heart. At first I'm confused until I feel it. His heart is pounding a mile a minute. I look up at his face and he's smiling at my shock.

"You've always had this effect on my Lilly." I don't know what to say I look from his face back down at my hand over his heart. Wow I make Ren's heart race and he still touches me. At that moment I decided if Ren was brave enough to be near me than I would be the same for him. I look back up at his face, I let my hand over his heart slide up around his neck and into his hair, and never breaking eye contact I lean forward and kiss him. The only thing I can hear is the beating of my heart in my ears.

Ren's hands wrap around my waist and pull my forward to startle his hips as he leans back against the head board. His hands need my hips and I run my finger through his hair and lightly trace patterns on the side of his neck with the other. His tongue slide across my bottom lip leaving a trail of fire in its wake as I part my lips for him. He slides his tongue in my mouth and massages my tongue with his. I try to calm myself be repeating over and over again I've kissed Ren before, I've kissed Ren before. Thinking becomes too much to manage as his hands trial down my hips to the front of my legs and back. I give myself over the just feeling and let my hand run down his chest, exploring every inch of it, something I've always wanted to do but was never brave enough to try.

We break apart for much needed air but Ren's lip never leave my skin. He trails kisses down my jaw line to my neck and stops when he meets my shirt collar. I decide to go with the brave feelings I've been giving into and lean back from Ren. He looks at me trying to figure out what I'm doing and if he'd gone too far for me. When I reach for the hem of my shirt his eyes go wide, I'm guessing he thought he was going to have to do everything tonight, but knowing I effect him the same way he does me has given me the courage I need to really be with Ren and giving into my desire feels liberating.

I slide my shirt over my head and let it fall to the floor. I look at Ren and he's just staring at me, not at my breast but at every inch of skin I've exposed to him. When he's done looking at my body he meets my eyes again.

"Your so beautiful." He says in a panting voice. I blush and he pulls my forward to kiss me. I meet the challenge of his tongue and battle with his for dominance, completely giving myself over to feeling and desire and not thinking. Our kisses are pure passion, heat and lust. Our hand roam all over each others exposed flesh. Ren's carful to avoid everywhere my bra touches, I know he's still taking it slow for me but all of the sudden I want his hands all over me, I want to feel the passion coming off him on every inch of my body.

I grab Ren's hands and run them from my collar bone down to my breast. He gasps into my mouth, weather from my boldness or the sensation I don't know. He splays his fingers and lightly runs them up and down over the top swell of my breast. He breaks our kiss for air and trails kisses down my neck to my collar bone and down to my chest as his hands slide around me to unhook my bra. He hesitates on the clasp.

"It's ok I want you to." I say breathless. Ren returns his lips to mine and unhooks my bra. He lets his finger tips run up to my shoulder and down my arms to remove my bra. I can't stop myself from shivering, not from the cool air that hits my body but from Ren's soft caresses. He brings his hands up my sides and just barley brushes the side of my breasts before massaging them.

A sound escapes my lips, what I can only describe as somewhere between a moan and pleading. Pleading for more of these intense feelings, more of this man in front of me. As if reading my mind Ren leans forward effectively pushing me onto my back with him hovering over me. He laves at my breast. Sucking, licking and nibbling them first one and then the other. He runs his thumb across my pebbled nipple and I bury my hands in his hair. My back arches off the bed and I feel heat and moisture pool at my center as my stomach tightens more.

Ren moves up to claim my lips with his again and I reach for his jeans. I undo the button and pull down the zipper then let my hands slide under the waist band and around to his back to start pushing them off him. He growls and gentle bites my bottom lip as he helps my get rid of his pants. Free of everything but his boxers Ren kisses down my stomach and stops to suck on my hip bone as he works on the many buttons of my jeans, he lets two fingers slide under my jeans and runs them back and forth. I moan at the feeling he's causing in the pit of stomach.

Ren pulls back to sit on his knees between my legs and grabs my jeans and panties at my hips and slowly tugs them down giving me plenty of time to stop him. I close my eyes and soon feel cool air where my clothes use to be. I keep my eyes closed tight waiting to feel Ren touch me and suddenly the scared feelings come back. What if this hurt, what if I'm not good. Ren interrupt my panic attack.

"Open you eyes." He says. I shake my head. I can't look at him. "Please open your eyes Calla" There's sadness in his voice and I can't help but to open my eyes to see what caused it. I look in Ren's eyes and see longing and passion and awe but something else is there too and I can't make it out. "I wanna do this with you Calla not to you." He says. I sit up and look at him. He wants me in the moment with him not hiding from it. I nod and reach for his hands pulling them around me then sliding my arms around his neck and laying back down taking him with me.

Ren kisses me with his arm wrapped tight around me and other than his boxers our skin touches everywhere. My body goes into sensory overload and it than moment I give myself to Ren Mind, Body, soul, and heart.

When we break our kiss I notice Ren has a glowing light all around him, I lift my hand and see the same glow. I look at Ren confused. "We're bonding." He said with awe in his voice. "You gave yourself to me and the same time I gave myself to you. We're becoming the Alpha mated pair."

Words couldn't describe my happiness so I just smiled at Ren and tugged at his boxers. With inhuman speed he was naked and back on top of me. I looked down to see him and was shocked, that's going to fit inside me. Ren must have read the worry on my face because he took my face in his hands forcing me to look at him.

"I can't promise it won't hurt a little, but I do promise to be easy and go slow until you're ready." He said. I took a deep breath and nodded. Ren lines himself up at my entrance and holds my gaze as he enters me slowly inch by inch. I inhale sharply and he stills. I wouldn't call the sensation pain but more like a pressure.

"Are you ok?" Ren asked. I take a breath and notice that while he was still my body started to stretch for him and the pressure is almost gone.

"Yea just keep going slow, give me time to adjust." I answer him a little surprised at the huskiness of my voice. Ren pushes in a little father and stops, giving my exactly what I ask for. I wiggle a little bit to help my body along, and when I nod to him Ren Pushes forward again. We continue this start and stop method until he's buried inside me. I smile up at him. "No pain" I say.

He smiles back, relief plain on his face "Good, are you ready?" he asks. I blush bright red at what we're doing but nod and wrap my arms around his waist and let them rest on his back. He leans in and kisses me, after a moment I feel him pull his hips back and I whimper at the loss of him. Ren smile's against my lips and slowly pushes back into me. My eyes go wide and I moan while my fingers dig into his back. It surly didn't feel like this with Shay. My god no wonder Ren said I'd find waiting overrated, if I'd known it felt this wonderful I would have never made it to the union pure. Ren wiggles his hips bringing me out of my thoughts. I look up at him and smile; I wiggle my hips against his to encourage him to move again. That's all the motivation he needs; he pulls out and push back into me at a slow and steady pace.

I wrap my legs around his waist and the change in angle lets him touch a place inside me that sends me into over load. My toes curl and my whole body starts to shake. I can't stop the sounds from passing my lips or even care to be embarrassed. Ren quickens his pace and I start to move my hips against his, he growls and I feel my wolf stir within me. I tighten my grip on him and try to form words. We're both breathing heavy but I manage to get out a few words.

"Wolf…change….." I say. Ren looks at me and opens his month but no sound comes out. He shakes his head and trys again all the while keeping up our pace.

"No change…..don't fight it….let go." He pants out. I trust Ren completely so I do as he says and let go of all my control. I pull him down to me and kiss him. Our pace changes to animalistic need and passion mixed together. With our lips still touching I feel my wolf move into Ren, he moans as I feel his wolf push into me, rubbing against my wolf.

Both of our bodies are shaking and I feel myself clench around him. Ren's thrusts become erratic and wild; our wolves still rubbing against one another, scent marking each other.

"Close" Ren gasps. I bite his ear and he sucks on my neck; that's all it takes to bring on an explosion in both of us. Our wolves retreat back into us and fireworks explode behind my eyes and I shout Ren's name.

I hear Ren saying something but can't concentrate enough to know what it is. He collapses on top of me and rolls to the side taking me with him; he tucks me in tight to his chest as we both try to catch our breath. After a few minutes our breathing slows and my body starts to calm down. I open my eyes and look up at Ren; the glow is gone but I feel a piece of him inside me and my wolf feels it to. Ren looks down at me and smiles; he wraps both arms around me and pulls me on top of his chest. I lean down and brush his lips with mine. I can't get the smile off my face as I look down at him.

"That was amazing; did you know our wolves would bond too?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "No I didn't but it felt so right." He chuckles a little. "Are you still scared?"

I think about how wonderful it felt for me and I wonder if it was the same for him. "No, not scared just curious." I answer.

"Curious huh. What about?" Ren asks as he tucks and strand of hair behind my ear and runs his fingers up and down my arm.

I blush just thinking about my question and lower my eyes from his. "How it felt for you." I whisper. Ren hands still on my arm for a second and then resume there path.

"Damnit he really messed you up." He says. "Calla that was the best I've ever felt in my life; being with you was mind blowing; nobody and nothing can ever be better; now banish those thoughts and kiss me."

I look up at him and smile a sly smile. "Mind blowing huh?" I say but don't give him time to respond as I kiss him letting all the love and passion I feel show in my kiss. After a small make out session we pull apart and slide under our covers. I lay on my side with Ren holding my tight to his chest; one arm around my waist and the other around my chest; he nuzzles my neck. I intertwine our fingers together and slide my feet between his legs.

"I love you Ren." I say as my eyes start to close. He kisses my neck and snuggles closer. "I love you too…So much." He responds with another kiss. Shortly after we drift off to sleep holding tight to each other.


	6. Chapter 6

Waking up in Ren's arms is like a drug, and I'm hopelessly addicted. I was floating high as I snuggled closer. As much as I wanted to stay in bed all morning Ren was the voice of reason; he reminded me of all the things we had to do today, but shortly after promised we'd have the night to ourselves.

So with a pout I showered and dressed. After I hunted down my pack, which was huddled around food, my next mission, I called a meeting. Everyone feed and ready for the day we gathered in Nev and Mason's living room; someone had brought in more chairs and another table, this room was defiantly working to our benefit.

Once everyone was settled I started to speak while Ren laced his fingers and mine, presenting a united front. "We've decide to make changes to our betas in light of everything that's happen. The qualities we need have changed a great deal now that we are in the middle of a war." I meet every ones eye while I talk and notice Bryn looks nerves. I hope she understands.

Ren picks up the speech. "We discussed what the pack needs and who can best help us accomplish these things. I know you all trust our judgment as leaders and this is no different, but if anyone want to know how we reached our choices, just this once, we'll explain ourselves in private if you seek us out." Everyone was looking from me to Ren and back; Alphas never explained themselves, but Ren knew I had messed up and wanted the pack to trust me again. I was amazed yet again at how well he knew what I needed and what the pack needed to trust me completely.

I was surprised that Bryn was the one to speak up first. "We trust our Alphas. There will be no need to explain." I nodded my thanks to her and saw the rest of the group nodding along. Alright here goes then.

I stand. "Sabine." I start and I'm surprised by the power I feel in my voice. I've always felt the authority when I speak as alpha but never like this, I guess this comes with being Ren's alpha mate. "Do you except the responsibility of the beta? Do you pledge to lead the pack to the best of your ability in our stead? To protect those under your care at the forfeit of your own life? And to put the packs needs above all others?" I finish the pledge with Sabine kneeing in front of me. She looks up at me. "I do so pledge Alpha." She answers in the formal way that is required. I motion her to stand and we grasp each other right wrist to bind her pledge to me and my word to her.

A smile breaks out on her face as we release each other to sit. Bryn moves from her seat at my side to the other side on Ansel while Sabine takes her place next to me. I glance at Bryn to see how she's taking being replaced; I'm surprised to see relief on her face. She catches my gaze and nods to me with a smile. I guess she didn't want the stress anymore, but made a mental note to ask her later.

I'm pulled from my thoughts as Ren stands. "Mason." He says and Mason eyes go wide for a minute before he scrambles to kneel. "Do you except the responsibility of the beta? Do you pledge to lead the pack to the best of your ability in our stead? To protect those under your care at the forfeit of your own life? And to put the packs needs above all others?" He asks. Mason looks up at Ren. "I do so pledge Alpha." He answers and stands to seal the pledge the same way Sabine did, and then Corset switches chairs so Mason can take his place at Ren's side. When Ren sits he grabs my hand again. I nod for him to go on with the next order of business. It was best Ren bring up Shay so it didn't look like I want to have my cake and eat it to.

"Your first task as betas is the meet with Shay and explain everything about what it is to be pack." He pauses to let that sink in. Sabine just nods eager to follow orders while Mason looks confused but nods still. "Regardless of person feelings Shay is a guardian and our pack has lost enough members. I won't see him a lone wolf because he cared for someone. I want him to be at our meeting tomorrow." Ren finished.

"As for the rest of us. We're going to the library to work on getting An's wolf back." I said everyone nodded. "Let's go." Everyone stood, Sabine and Mason walking tall as they headed down the hall towards Shay's room. The rest of us made our way to the books and hopefully An's wolf.

For hours we lost ourselves in the books. Desperate to find the answers we needed. So far all we had found was the ritual the keeper used but none of the searchers were willing to give up their magic to help. To tell the truth I wasn't real happy about killing a wolf, so we kept searching.

It was dinner time when we finally packed it n for the day. No one had found a solution but we were all going to compare note at tomorrows meeting. We worked straight through lunch so everyone was starving. We grabbed food and settled at what was becoming our table. About halfway through my burger a shadow fell across my plate and Ren's. We both turned to see Shay holding some food and looking at us.

He met my eyes and then Ren's. "I'll try." Is all he said before he sat as far from Ren and I as possible without moving to different table.

I looked at Ren; he shrugged and went back to eating so I did the same. This was going to be an interesting few weeks.

After dinner we all split for the night. I sat Indian style on our bed with Ren's head in my lap; my hand combing through his hair as he read through our note from today.

"Maybe we're going about this all wrong." He said breaking the silence.

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"We're all looking into the searchers and keepers history for the answer about a Guardian. Maybe we should be looking into our own history."

I was silent while I thought about that. Several minutes passed before I responded. "It makes since. But how do we know what truth and lie of our history?"

"we don't but….I don't know the power I felt today….I feel like we could just feed power through him and give him our blood and say the word to make his wolf come back." Ren spoke.

"Yeah I felt the power too. If An's willing lets try. I mean the worse that could happen is we fail but think if it worked. We could spend the next week training and not studying." I say.

Ren chuckles. "Always up for a fight huh?" I smile down at him. "Of course. Would you have any other way?" I ask him.

"No I wouldn't." he smiles up at me. Then fast than he use to be able to move he sits up flips me down and hovers over me. His look makes things tighten low in me.

"Your fast than you were last night." I whispered. He nods still gazing down at me. "You know what that means don't you?" I ask. He shakes his head.

I smile up at him then grab his wrist on either side of my head and push him up and roll us over, so I'm straddling him, pinning his arms above his head. Because I'm shorter it put my face a right above his.

"It means I'm faster too." I breathe against his lips. He smiles then kisses me. We spent the rest over the night finding out just how much stronger and faster we were. We finally collapse hours later cuddling into each others arms. I fell asleep with the scent of Ren, of home and the heat of his body around mine.

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><p>Hey guys i'm going to wrap to put this story on hold while i read Bloodrose but i will return. Thanks for all the great reviews.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Everyone was seated and ready for the meeting with their notes in front of them. Even Shay sat looking uncomfortable but he was trying and that all we could ask of him. Ren and I took our seats and I looked an Ansel while Ren spoke.

"Calla and I have an idea on how to get An's wolf back. We're not sure if it will work, but if you're willing we'd like to try." He spoke the last looking an Ansel.

An looked at us both for a minute before he gave a slight nod. "I'm willing to try. What do I have to do?" he asked. I looked at Ren and he motioned for me to start. I nodded.

"I tried to turn Ansel as we would a human when he first lost his wolf." I pause letting this sink in. "Since then Ren and I have both gained power." I took a breath before saying the next hoping I wouldn't drive Shay mad. "Ren and I have bonded and our powers have grown even stronger. We believe if we both try to turn Ansel while feeding him our power and blood it will work." I finish looking at my little brother, waiting to see his reaction.

"I'm willing to try again if you both think it will work." An spoke calmly.

"We not sure if it will work but it cost us nothing to try." Ren answered him. An thought for a minute then Nodded to us both.

"Well, lets do it then." I say as I stand. An and Ren both stand and move with me to the far side of the room. I turn back to my pack. "We're going to raise a lot of power. The searchers will feel it and probably come to investigate. Let no one in that door. We cannot break our concentration."

The pack moved as if I'd told them each what to do. Sabine and Mason slipped out the door to guard from the outside. Nev and Shay stood on this side of the door ready for anything that came through. Corset and Bryn stood together in the middle of the room facing the door in case anyone got through the others. I nodded my approval and turn to An.

"Kneel between us and touch us. We're going to raise our power first then feed you both of blood and speak the words. Keep touching us no matter what happens." I say and An nods as he kneels between us. He reaches out and lays a hand on my waist then turns to Ren and hesitates.

"It's ok An." Ren says and grabs my brother's hand placing it on his waist to mirror where Ansel touches me.

I reach out one hand to Ren and he grasps it. We look at each other and I call that piece of him that lives inside me while he does the same with me. The whole room turns hot with the power and my skin tingles. I look down and see the hair on An's arm standing up.

Ren brings his arm to his mouth and I mirror his moves. We bite into our forearms at the same time and extend our hands to each other. As our finger meet the level of power jumps higher. We lower our joined hand to Ansel, our hands making a cup for the blood running down our arms. An lowers his head to drink and we push our power into him through his hand on our bodies. He pauses and takes a deep breathe before he closes the last gap between him and our blood. He drinks down our blood and I feel the power pouring down his throat.

Ren and I both knelt and bit into Ansel's shoulders taking in his blood and he took ours. We pulled back and spoke together. "Bellator silvae servi. Warrior of the forest, we, the alphas, call on thee to serve in this time of need."

The floor rolled beneath us and the room swelled with power. Ansel's hand dug into me as he tried to hold on. We kept pushing our power into him. I felt my wolf rise up in me and was sure Ren was feeling the same. I knew with certainty that when we changed so would An. I let the change take me over as it never had before. I blacked out.

When I came to I was the white wolf. I lifted my head to see Corset and Bryn hovering over us. I looked into their faces. Corset showed awe while Bryn showed relief. I felt movement on my side and looked down my body to see Ansel in his wolf form and Ren's wolf self on his other side. I smiled, or the wolf grin version, and then shifted back.

I was still looking at a sleeping or passed out Ren and An when noise at the door caught my attention. At the door Shay and Nev were blocking the way and Adne and Ethan.

"Damnit let us in." Ethan shouted. Shay and Nev didn't answer or move. I noticed hands and arms holding then back. Mason and Sabine surly on the other side stopping them. I leaned down and touched Ren's muzzle. With that one touch he stirred and opened his eyes, he looked at me then to An. He wolf grinned at me then changed and looked at the door.

"It's ok it's over." Ren said. In one fluid movement Shay and Nev stepped aside and Mason and Sabine let go. Ethan and Adne stepped into the room.

"What the fuck are you doing in here? Every ones skin is crawling at the power show." Ethan yelled.

"Giving Ansel his wolf back." I answered him in a calm steady voice. He looked shocked then his eyes focused on the wolf between Ren and I. Adne smiled and turned to the door.

"I'll let them know." She said as she left. Ethan opened and closed his mouth several times before he could speak. "How?" is all he managed to say.

"Trade secret." Ren said with a smile.

Hours and lots of talking later the whole pack sat down to eat dinner. The searchers hadn't liked the power push but with some quick talking from me and Ren they let it go with the promise we wouldn't do it again without warning. We agreed. An had spent a solid ten minutes shifting back and forth. I had to laugh; it reminded me of when he was a pup. The pack was in awe or us and happy to have An back.

I felt so relieved. An has his wolf back and now we can train for the upcoming mission. We have a little over a week to prepare and help Shay fit into our fighting style. But I'm hopeful. After we ate Ren and I went to our room to relax, the day's events had taken a toll on us both.

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><p>Ok so i read Bloodrose and i'm sad. If you noticed i love ren so this story is on hold while i morn.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning I woke up ready for a workout with the pack but Ren gave me a pleasant surprise. I rolled around in his arms to kiss him good morning and start the day, but when I went to pull back his grip on me tightened. I looked up at him and smiled.

"I'd love to stay here all day too, but we have work to do Alpha." I say in a teasing way.

"Oh I know what work must be done my Alpha." He used his grip to pull me in closer to him. His lips hovered just over mine. "But I told Mason to run the drills without us and we'd join them later." He closed the distanced and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was soft and sweet but when we parted I was breathless.

"And what will we be doing till then?" I asked in a low husky voice though I knew the answer already. The sound of my voice called heat to Ren's eyes; they call it a bedroom voice for a reason.

"Everything we want." He responded as his arms moved. His arm trapped under me rubbed circles on my back while his other hand lightly traced around to my waist to push up on fingertips and glide down my hip and thigh. Gooseflesh rose on my body and my breath caught at the sensation.

Ren chuckled and lowered his head to my neck to nuzzle me. Then slowly began to kiss and lick the place where my neck and shoulder met. That spot caused a reaction low in my body and when he pulled the skin into his mouth and bit down, gentle grinding his teeth I couldn't stop myself from crying out for him.

"I love you reaction to me" Ren whispered into my neck. I could only nod in response while my body continued to tighten for him.

Ren rolled me onto my back staying above me on hands and knees finding my mouth again. His kiss was full of passion and I met his passion with my own. The past couple days had left us to just sleeping in each others arms, this was the first time we could be together since we bonded our first time.

We broke the kiss for air but Ren's lips never left my skin. He trailed kisses down my jaw and neck to my collar bone and sucked lightly before he kissed lower to my breast. My pulse raced and my breath came out in pants and small moans as I felt myself grow wet with his attention.

He mound my breast in his hands needing them gentle while he sucked one of my nipples into his mouth and teased it with his teeth until it grew hard for him. He switched to the other and sucked it to hardness too. The moisture between my legs grew and he moved lower to kiss down my stomach and suck and nibble on both my hip bones while his hands still needed my breast.

My body tensed as he slipped his tongue under the band of my panties, I'd grown use to sleeping in panties alone, I knew Ren liked skin contact and so did I. He ran his tongue back and forth and my muscles tightened now that I guessed what he wanted to do. I'd never let anyone go down on me so I didn't know what to expect but I was excited all the same.

Ren's hand slipped off my breast and glided down my waist and hips to wrap around my panties and slide them down my legs. I looked down to watch what he was doing and as if he could feel my gaze he rolled his eye up to me. My breathe caught at the heat and hunger that danced in his eyes as he tossed my panties aside and ran his hands up my legs to slide just under my thighs. He used his strength to part my legs and settle himself between them all the while watching me.

Even thru the wetness at my core and the tingles on my body I got scared. A small helpless sound fell from my lips. Ren eyes lost some of there heat but not all.

"You've never done this before." He said more a statement then a question. For the life of me I couldn't make words so I just closed my eyes and shock my head in response.

He kissed the inside of my thigh causing my eyes to open and look at him. "Do you trust me?" he asked. Words were still beyond me so I nodded. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked. His voice was calm and even, if I asked he'd stop and I knew he wouldn't be mad about it. As I looked at him even as scared as I was to let him do this to me I was excited too. I smiled down at him and shock my head again, after clearing my throat I whispered "no I don't want to stop."

Ren's sexy sly smirk settled on his face and he turned to kiss the inside of my thigh again, eyes still on me. As he kissed just a little above the first kiss I shivered for him. He gave me a real smile and went back to his teasing. He kissed and sucked at my inner thighs until I couldn't take it anymore. "Please" I choked out.

I think Ren was surprised to hear me beg for him or maybe that's what he wanted but whatever the reason it got me what I wanted. He lowered his face to me and in one long smooth stroke of his tongue he licked from my opening to my hood. I fell back flat on the bed and gripped the covers while I withered for him. "So wet for me" he breathed against me. He hands wrapped around my thighs spreading them a little farther apart and holding me still.

He kissed me between my legs like he would my mouth exploring and searching. He searched until he found a spot to draw a sound from me then pulled the sounds and moans from me only to move to find a new spot. I felt that weight growing in me and tightened my muscles. Ren must have taken this as a sign because he stopped exploring and moved to a new spot like he knew it was there the whole time he flicked his tongue over it and sucked the skin into his mouth still flicking over it with his tongue. Between one flick of his tongue and the next the weight spilled over and I screamed his name and twist the covers while my body danced and withered for him.

He didn't stop when I came as I thought he would but instead became more determined. He was relentless as I rode my orgasm. As it began to fade he brought me again and this time I couldn't tell when this one ended and the next began. It all blurred into a long line of pleasure. I danced and scream my pleasure for Ren. I finally abandoned the covers and grabbed a hold of the headboard to help me ride out the pleasure. My body finally fell limp with the overload. I felt Ren shift and tried to open my eyes but couldn't, he lick once more and my eyes fluttered but never opened all the way. Ren crawled up my body and stayed above my not touching but watching my relearn to breathe.

"God, I love that look." he said still just watching me. "What look?" I panted. He reach between our bodies and used to fingers to stroke me. My eye fluttered again still not opening and my body arched off the bed. He pulled his hand back. "That look." He said.

As my breathing calmed I found I could open my eyes. I looked up at Ren and smiled. He returned the smile. "I never would have pegged you for a screamer but I must say I love it." I blushed at his words and started to turn my head. Ren put his hand on my check turning me back to look at him. "Don't hide from me Lilly. I love that I can give you pleasure and I abso-fucking-lutly love that you scream my name." I blushed harder and Ren's smile widened.

I had to clear my throat to speak and my voice came hoarse from the screaming. "I wish I could return the favor but I have no clue how to please you." I squeaked out. Ren's smile dimmed to a serious look. "This was about you not me and what you just did pleased me more than you know." I opened my mouth to protest but he covered my mouth with his hand.

"No Lilly, no doubts from you today. I wanted to have you boneless from my attentions and by the stillness of your body, I've done that. I had no plans of sex this morning just your pleasure and your trust in letting me do this to you. If you want to try later some time on me I'll talk you through it and tell you want I like and don't like but honestly I've never trusted anyone enough to let them try so you'd be my first too." I smiled under his hand and kissed his palm. He moved his hand to cup my check and lowered his head to kiss me my taste still on his mouth. He must have realized I might not like that and started to pull back, but I found that my body worked again and put my hand behind his head to pull him back to me.

I loved knowing Ren carried my taste on him. It pleased me and the wolf inside me. I used both hand to trace patterns on his back. He broke the kiss to breathe and I took the time to ask a question that bothered me.

"So you really didn't plan on sex this morning?" he looked at me and smiled. "No this was all about you." I looked and him and raised an eyebrow, he got a confused look. "Are you willing to negotiate on that?" I asked with a straight face. The confusion stayed a second before understanding set in and he gave me that hundred watt smile.

"I might be willing; it depends on what you're offering."

I raised an eyebrow at him again while I thought of was I wanted from Ren. I tried to think of how to keep our word game going and turn him on at the same time. The thought that came to mind was to embarrassing but as I looked at him I thought fuck it I'd let him put his mouth on every part of me and sheath his body inside mine what was a little dirty talk between us.

I smirked at him, lowered my voice and made it as husky as I could. "Ren, my bodies dipping wet and throbbing for you, would you deny me all your touch?" I watch the heat that had been there at the start return with force as he opened and closed his mouth to try and speak but no sound came out. I felt him grow hard and thick against my thigh at my words. I let my eyes half close heavy with the desire I had for him to be inside me again. I took a deep shaky breathe and let it out before I spoke. "Will you give me what I desire Ren?"

He opened his mouth again and closed it, finally he nodded and looked at me while he moved to my entrance his eyes heavy with desire of his own. He pushed inside me in one long smooth movement my body wet enough that he didn't have to fight for it. I breathed heavy and my body arched off the bed, Ren's head went back and his arms shock. We stayed like that for a minute then he lowered his head to meet my gaze. "So wet for me but god so tight." He breathed. I nodded and wrapped my arms around his back and my legs around his waist, he lowered himself down and wrapped his arms around my back and slid them up to hold on to my shoulders. His face inches from mine I tightened me hold on him and lifted my head to kiss him. He kissed me and lowered my head back to the pillow. Somewhere during the kiss he started to move in and out of me. I push my hips against him helping him make love to me. The rhythm was slow and sweet but deep. I guessed that he would change pace but he never did he kept that slow loving pace the whole time alternating between kissing me and gazing into my eyes.

When it came time for release I bit his shoulder and dug my nails into his back painting his body with my pleasure. With one more thrust he came deep inside me and bit into my neck while he rode his release. He kissed the side of my neck and nuzzled me as I did him. We stayed like that for a long time him still inside me holding each other tight learning how the breathe again.

Ren lifted enough to see my face and kissed my lips softly just barely touching. "I love you more than I know how to say." He said and gave me another of those gentle kisses.

"You don't have to say anything you just showed me better that any words could ever do." I looked into his eye while I said the next. "I love you and I hope I can show you how much like you just did for me someday." Ren smiled down at me and shock his head. He kisses my check. "You already have Lilly, I already know." With that said I smiled up at him and as we kissed he rolled us so I was on top and when I sat up with him still inside me I shivered.

Ren chuckled "we better get dressed and meet the others but maybe a shower first."

I looked at him with a serious expression. "You can if you want to but I'm going to were the scent of what we did and keep the memory wrapped around me all day." I got up and got dress Ren followed my lead, he didn't take a shower. We set off to meet our pack and practice fighting together. Ren and I both loved to fight. All and all I say the day was going to be a good one if the start was any indication.


	9. Chapter 9

It was not a great day. When Ren and I got to the training room mason was standing between shay and Ansel trying to keep them apart while Sabine held Bryn in a vice grip.

"Do you have to add insult to injury I know I lost?" shay shouted.

"I'm trying to teach you to fight and holding back will only get you killed. But you had no right to trash talk Calla or belittle Bryn for defending her." An fired back at shay.

I felt Ren stiffen next to me and knew he wanted to fight shay more than An did, but that wouldn't bring us together as a pack. So before Ren could say anything I spoke up.

"An train with Mase. I'll teach shay hand to hand combat." The whole room including Ren looked at me like I grew a second head. I locked eyes with Sabine and she nodded as she shock Bryn to get her attention. Bryn turn to look at her and she nodded to sparing mats across the room. They both turned and started walking. I looked to Mason and he was already grabbing An's arm and leading him away.

"Hey" from across the room Nev hollered. "Lets see if married life is making you soft" he smirked. Ren gave a very fake smile but started to walk anyway.

I turn to face shay. "Well lets see what you got." I got into a defensive crouch and waited. Shay looked at me and shook his head.

"I can't fight you calla." He said.

"So if the enemy is female you'll let them kill you?" I question.

"No I just can't fight you." I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Well how about I fight you and you just take the beating then." I saw shock register on his face before I lung forward and sweep his legs out from under him. He hit the floor hard.

"You can block sweep attacks by jumping over or countering them. A good kick to the rib will stop the attack. Again." I bark out as he just stairs at me like I've lost my mind. He slowly starts to stand.

"I said I can't fight you."

"And I said you'd just take a beating then but do try to remember the info I'm giving you." I said before using the same move to knock him down again.

Shay looked up at me with rage in his eyes as he took a deep breath and stood, bending slightly in a semi defensive position. I nodded my approval.

'Bend your knees a little more, it'll give you the best balance and ability to take a blow without going down." I tell him. He nods and complies. I lung forward to sweep again but this time he jumps over my leg so I pivot and my foot and send my elbow into his ribs. He doubles slightly but sends his foot into my shoulder pushing me back. I spring back to my feet.

"Good. When you're going to jump make sure you jump away not just up and to counter a round kick to the head will eliminate the sweep and probably knock you opponent out." I say as Shay straightens out.

He nods. "And if I knock you out?" he asks.

I smirk at him before answering. "Then you get to spar with Ren" I see lightning flash in his eyes and his steps take on a new determination. He wants to fight with Ren and now he's really going to try. Good.

We go at it for hours. Shay trying to knock me out and me putting him on his ass most of the time. He's really not that bad but I have no desire to let him and Ren spar so I'm not holding back. It's not like we have time to hold back anyways. At dinner I told shay we'd try him on offense tomorrow he smiled like the answer to fighting Ren had just been handed to him. He had no idea what he was in for.

Back in our room Ren was icing my sweeping leg while I rub his shoulders. As odd as it sounds I loved this. I had always loved fighting and An or Bryn normally helped me after but having Ren take care of me did something to my heart. I looked at him smiling, only to be met by a frown.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I don't like you sparing with him. I saw how hard you two were going at it; he wants to hurt you Lilly." Ren said looking so concerned.

I ducked my head as I answered him. "That's kind of my fault. He refused to fight with me so I just started knocking him down and telling him how to improve. It pissed him off enough to try so I told him how he could counter a sweep with a kick to head and knock his opponent out. He asked what would happen if he knocked me out. I'm pretty sure he was still trying to get out of sparing with me. At least until I told him if he knocked me out then he'd get to spar with you. That defiantly got his attention." I never looked up once the whole time I was talking afraid to see Ren reaction to my antics.

I felt Ren's hand slide up my leg to grab my thigh to pull me around his body and into his lap I looked up at him startled. He had that sly smile on his face. "You know, I find master manipulation very sexy?"

I smiled back and let my hand drift down his chest. "Oh yeah?" I asked. He let the heat flash across his eyes. "yeah." He responded before crashing his lips to mine. Kissing Ren was like finally taking a deep breath after running a marathon. He tasted like the home I didn't know I needed.

I let my hands roam his bare chest while our tongues tangled. His arms wrapping me in a vice grip when he broke our kiss and trailed down to place little kisses on my neck. He started to nibble and I couldn't stop the moan at the tightening in my center.

"I take it you like that?" Ren asked in a husky voice. It took four deep breathes to form coherent speech and even then all I could manage was a whispered "Yes".

Moving down to my collar bone he asked "and this?" panting now all I could do was nod. Ren pulled back and I groaned at the loss of contact but he quickly removed my shirt leaving me in nothing but very tiny panties.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked in a teasing tone. I opened my mouth to demand he never stop when a knock sounded at our door. I could have cried while Ren just growled. I looked down at him and smiled.

"Who is it?" I shouted.

"Its shay" came the response from the other side of the door. Ren growled again and tightened his arms around me as if I tried to move away. He nuzzled my neck then let out a sigh.

"Hold on I'm coming." He barked out. He stood still holding me, and then turned to tuck me under the covers. "Stay right there and don't put anything back on we'll finish this when I get back." He ordered before kissing me senseless.

I smiled up at him as he searched for his shirt in our growing pile on the floor. "That sounds like a treat alpha."

He turned his head to look at me with the cocky grin I love so much on his face. "It's a promise." He slipped his shirt on and slide out the tiny crack he made of the door.

I lay waiting for I while before sleep started to close in on me. I wanted to stay awake and wait for Ren but the sparing today got the best of my and closed my eyes. I thought I heard footsteps outside in the hall before I blacked out but I couldn't be sure.


End file.
